I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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