Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize