Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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