We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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