I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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