About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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