Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize