Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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