she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize