someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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