Already got asked if we're dating
it wasn't lemon gatorade
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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