just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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