There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
this is an emotional support booty call
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize