i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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