I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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