I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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