I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize