Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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