Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize