Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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