i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we're making bets on your personal life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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