Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize