Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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