he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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