I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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