Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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