just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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