Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize