I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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