I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize