Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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