Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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