I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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