I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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