I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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