thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
