Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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We just shotgunned beers for America
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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