Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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