The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize