the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize