One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize