Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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