One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
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My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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