I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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