You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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