I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Drunk is not a location!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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