I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize