So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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