My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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