2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize