oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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